My GPS Camera Phone

Found this in a WalMart Supercenter family bathroom the other day. It’s supposed to be a universal sign for a baby changing table, but it looks more like a torpedo loading bay or a tanning bed. Either way, tell me what it says to you.

I am continually amazed at the quality of photos this Nokia 5610 can take. I think the best part is that with the macro ability and the lens focus, you can achieve a much better depth of field. The results are so much better than most photos from camera phones, which usually come out flat and lacking depth (which is what makes creating content for this site so hard!).

Happy Monday!

This sign is placed at an unmarked crossing area between the local mall and the Toys R Us. Though unmarked, it does have those big concrete barriers so a car cannot take the crosswalk as a short cut into the parking lot. The road it crosses is a sort of perimeter road around the mall, which also borders a smaller strip mall which includes the aforementioned Toys R Us.

Yes, cars zip along this stretch of road with reckless abandon, but I thought that’s what prompted the invention of speed bumps. Nope, not one good bump around to slow down anything. The burden of safety is placed solely in the hands of the pedestrian. It’s almost like if you did get hit by a car, the mall and driver would be absolved from any responsibility.

Victim: Ow!
Driver: Dude, didn’t you see the sign?
Victim: Call an ambulance!
Driver: I have to go. You should really think about the risks you take. They could get you killed, you know.
Police Officer to Victim: You are under arrest for walking into the path of a speeding vehicle. So, you’re just going to lie there and ignore me? (Victim gets Tasered for good measure. OK, one more time. Just to be sure.)
Victim: Ow!

And so on.

Why they went to all the trouble to put a sign and barriers there without marking the road is beyond me. I do know, however, five places where you would think this sign should be, but probably isn’t.

1. At the trailhead of the unexplored American West
   I’m guessing that it would have been a wooden sign, but still, you’d think it was implied to those who made the attempt.
2. Mount Everest
   Of course, the sign would be there for the foreigners. Everyone knows that the Sherpas can navigate those mountains with their eyes closed.
3. The line in the dirt that mean kid drew that you dared cross
   If it’s any consolation, that kid is either in jail or unhappily married to a domineering wife while paying child support for fifteen children from four previous wives.
4. The Amazon
   Home to botflies and the dreaded Candiru fish, the Amazon is a wonderland for people wishing to play host to other organisms. In spite of all the horrifying Candiru stories and graphic YouTube videos of botfly larva removal, people still go there. It needs a sign. A really big sign.
5. Death Valley
   What better place to adventure on your own than a place with the word “death” in it’s name. Oh, did I mention that it you can visit Furnace Creek and Badwater while on your adventure? Take solace in the fact that you wouldn’t be alone, but pretty darn close. The Timbisha Shoshone Tribe inhabits an area around Furnace Creek. Go to them for advice on desert survival, because you’ll need it.

Props to Nancy, my most awesome wife, who came up with the idea for inspired this post and urged me to take the picture, and to Joe for helping out with 4 and 5.

My daughters had a drama rehearsal last week for their big Saturday night dinner theater. The drama teacher is notorious for going long on time, which is not a bad thing, but it does entail a lot of suspense-filled waiting, akin to watching water come to a boil. The question of the moment on every parent’s lips is, “Are they done yet?” Even the most involved parent’s demeanor can be shifted from excited hopefulness to that of a sedated mental patient with a simple horizontal nod, at which time they resume their sidewalk pacing and small talk.

Finding myself in this undesirable situation, I did what anyone else would do – I paced around and stared at the concrete sidewalk, stopping once in a while to engage in some small talk. After what seemed like hours, the late afternoon sun lit up the street in a way that only the late afternoon sun can. Feeling a subconscious urge to mentally stop and redirect my attention, I took out the camera phone and started shooting.

I like traffic signs for some reason. Maybe it’s the precision of the message they deliver (though it’s not always precise enough). Maybe it’s the symmetry and angularity. Maybe I’ve got some strange attraction to lines and angles. Maybe I was a stop sign in a previous life. Whatever the reason may be, it was certainly enough to make the Monday morning edition of the blog.

With regard to the rehearsal, it finished late as expected, but I learned that “late” is relative. Without the time to pace around and process my situation, I’d have never caught this photo. Having a sign that says “stop” was a great mental cue as well, one that I will pay a bit more attention to in the future.

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Be sure to check your fonts carefully to avoid unintended innuendo. That’s about all I can say, because I think this photo says it all.

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This camera phone photo was captured on the same evening I visited the local caffeine dealer. The coffee shop in question shares a space with a bookstore, but not in the traditional big box retailer sense. It’s a cozy little place with a few cushy sofas and really good ice cream. The bookstore sells everything you won’t find at Wal-Mart or Barnes and Noble, a rare occurrence in any town.

The photo is nothing special, but the character of it is something else. The glowing light effect was NOT made by a photo editing tool. It was made by a good ol’ lens smudge. That’s one of the disadvantages of a camera phone. The lens is continually exposed to pocket lint, grubby fingers and loose change. This is usually to a photo’s detriment, but in this case, I thought it worked out pretty good.

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