My GPS Camera Phone

This sign is placed at an unmarked crossing area between the local mall and the Toys R Us. Though unmarked, it does have those big concrete barriers so a car cannot take the crosswalk as a short cut into the parking lot. The road it crosses is a sort of perimeter road around the mall, which also borders a smaller strip mall which includes the aforementioned Toys R Us.

Yes, cars zip along this stretch of road with reckless abandon, but I thought that’s what prompted the invention of speed bumps. Nope, not one good bump around to slow down anything. The burden of safety is placed solely in the hands of the pedestrian. It’s almost like if you did get hit by a car, the mall and driver would be absolved from any responsibility.

Victim: Ow!
Driver: Dude, didn’t you see the sign?
Victim: Call an ambulance!
Driver: I have to go. You should really think about the risks you take. They could get you killed, you know.
Police Officer to Victim: You are under arrest for walking into the path of a speeding vehicle. So, you’re just going to lie there and ignore me? (Victim gets Tasered for good measure. OK, one more time. Just to be sure.)
Victim: Ow!

And so on.

Why they went to all the trouble to put a sign and barriers there without marking the road is beyond me. I do know, however, five places where you would think this sign should be, but probably isn’t.

1. At the trailhead of the unexplored American West
   I’m guessing that it would have been a wooden sign, but still, you’d think it was implied to those who made the attempt.
2. Mount Everest
   Of course, the sign would be there for the foreigners. Everyone knows that the Sherpas can navigate those mountains with their eyes closed.
3. The line in the dirt that mean kid drew that you dared cross
   If it’s any consolation, that kid is either in jail or unhappily married to a domineering wife while paying child support for fifteen children from four previous wives.
4. The Amazon
   Home to botflies and the dreaded Candiru fish, the Amazon is a wonderland for people wishing to play host to other organisms. In spite of all the horrifying Candiru stories and graphic YouTube videos of botfly larva removal, people still go there. It needs a sign. A really big sign.
5. Death Valley
   What better place to adventure on your own than a place with the word “death” in it’s name. Oh, did I mention that it you can visit Furnace Creek and Badwater while on your adventure? Take solace in the fact that you wouldn’t be alone, but pretty darn close. The Timbisha Shoshone Tribe inhabits an area around Furnace Creek. Go to them for advice on desert survival, because you’ll need it.

Props to Nancy, my most awesome wife, who came up with the idea for inspired this post and urged me to take the picture, and to Joe for helping out with 4 and 5.