How to Be Awesome on Surgery Day
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Thursday, June 5th, was surgery day for me. It was a microdiscectomy to relieve sciatic nerve pain in my left leg. Not really a big procedure, but it required anesthesia, a breathing tube and lots of needles. As I waited in the pre-op area, thoughts raced through my head, mostly of what I was going to do with the nearly three weeks I had off from work. Then, it hit me.
What great material for a blog post!
Since I couldn’t achieve a good angle with the camera phone, Nancy happily took over the role as photographer and captured the action in wonderful detail. Being the subject of the story was a bit of a role reversal, but I’ll do anything for my readers.
After receiving the first IV (as seen above), I got to lay around and crack bad jokes to the hospital staff as each one stuck their head in to check on me. The visits were brief, but I’m not sure if it was because they were busy or because my humor was too intelligent and overwhelming for them to handle. I suspect the latter.
The best part of being checked in for surgery is the whole strip-down-and-put-on-this-ridiculous-gown part. Having no choice, I eliminated every bit of coolness in me and donned the oh-so-sexy hospital gown. It could have been much worse, though, had it not been for the brand name bootie socks and awesome hair net. Had the socks not been MediChoice, I would have been, like, no way am I wearing those. As for the hair net, well, I think the smile on my face speaks for itself.
Surgery time finally arrived and I was wheeled to the operating room by an ex-military guy who was flight crew on a plane that very likely landed on the aircraft carrier I was aboard. Knowing that an ex-military guy was working on me intensified my level of anxiety, but alas, I began to experience multiple dimensions and realities before succumbing to about two hours of mind erasing sodium pentathol.
The procedure went well and I was moved to the recovery area where I was literally ordered to go potty, or else I couldn’t leave. There was no way I planned on staying overnight just because I had a problem peeing on demand. Easy enough, right?
Wrong. While I have to give major props to the staff for providing me three cups of decent coffee - right out of surgery - I do have a problem with being placed on a who’s who watch list for post-operative bladder relievers. It was no problem drinking the coffee and an additional eight cups of water, but trying to convince the staff that I was dehydrated and felt a bit under pressure (no pun intended) was futile. A simple failure to pee was going to cost me over a thousand dollars. Not going to happen.
A shift change occurred and the resident doctor came forward bearing the bad news of my pending admission for the night. Nancy, being the best negotiator and persuader on the planet, took control of the situation after I failed to state my case for leaving. My argument and voice were cut short because of the throat irritation caused by the breathing tube that was crammed down my throat. 
She convinced them that I would know if my bladder were about to explode and that she did indeed know how to dial 9-1-1 on the phone. Her years of CNA experience probably helped the case as well, but she made it clear that I was going home, pee or no pee.
I went home and (not) to my surprise, my bladder did not explode. Duh.
The moral of the story: don’t let the healthcare industry push you around. And no matter how uncool they make you dress, just remember that you almost always come out of surgery with all awesomeness intact. At least I did this time, as seen by the incredibly flattering photo. Let’s hope next time goes just as well.
On second thought, let’s hope there’s not a next time.
This post has 9 comments
June 11th, 2008
RAWK ON! glad ya made it out ok, I didn’t even know they would let you photograph things like that, but so cool! Glad ya made it back home safe and that good ol’ bladder of yours stays well. :)
Chicas last blog post..Stillness among other things
Thanks, I was pretty stoked to get the photos. The nurse didn’t mind at all. I wanted to get a shot in the operating room, but they wouldn’t do it. The bladder is fine, it’s the back that was causing problems. No adult diapers in my future. :)
June 11th, 2008
Glad you are home in one piece (and not many little pieces caused by exploding bladder). Nearly didn’t read the rest after accidentally enlarging photo of you having IV inserted, and fainting clean away….well, almost :)
Groovy socks and hairnet and that last photo of the human pin cushion is very nice too. Glad Nancy didn’t share a back view of oh-so-sexy hospital gown with us though….
Be well and enjoy your recuperation :)
Dianes last blog post..Meme time…
Sorry to have caused you some needle trauma. I thought it would get at least one person. The gown tied up in the back, but when the surgeon came in to ask about making a different incision, he untied it and basically let my rear end hang out while he drew on my back. Fun stuff.
June 11th, 2008
Love the last pic! Hope you have a fast recovery!
Hey dude! Thanks for stopping by! I thought the last pic wraps it up nicely. Glad you like it. :)
June 12th, 2008
Who is that guy at the end of the post? I am confused? I pictured you with more clothes at all times…
It’s my stunt double.
June 12th, 2008
You need therapy, Pete. You’re heading into to surgery, you’ve got tubes down your throat, you’re doped up and the only thing going through your head is, “Gee, this would be a great blog post!”
Sick, man, sick. You need help. ;-)
Glad everything went well for you though.
dcrs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Owee
Yes, I do. But it was a great post, right? ;)
June 16th, 2008
Oh geez man - that is why I gave up having kids- all the blown I V’s and all the needle love…
I hadn’t know you were a Shaolin Monk until I saw the picture at the end.
Uh oh, my Shaolin secret is out. I knew something was amiss with this post.
June 17th, 2008
I thought I had commented on this post; I’m glad everything went well. I had to chuckle at you looking at this as a photo op. You are hooked! ;-)
Well, like I said in the post, it was all for my readers. I’ll do anything for a few page views. ;-)
June 17th, 2008
You have the right attitude Pete! Glad all went well for you. There’s a lot of ’stuff’ hooked up to you.
Rolandos last blog post..Ready for the World
It’s just two IVs, but there’s like a mile of that clear tubing. Thanks for the visit! I’m healing nicely.
August 1st, 2008
Pete, I am the guy that brought the MediChoice slippers to market. Glad you enjoyed them. Mike
No way! Well, even though I came off as sarcastic, I really did like them. I actually took them home with me in hopes of wearing them around the house on cold winter days. We have tile floors which tend to get really cold.
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